TEENAGE DIARIES 1996

I write
mammals are not to be trusted
and men give birth to live offspring

my fingersun blazes
my armpit itches

my moonshadow is blue navel-light

my breasts further up

tender skin chafes

sweatflower blooms rot
deodorant 

TEENAGE DIARIES 1997

I write
whale meat tastes like steel wool between the teeth

black-red meal
smack of salt
whale-sea 

death-struck youth
cottonmouth

nylon pantyhose
a rancid smell

TEENAGE DIARIES 1997

Mother is angry

EAT she tells me
and sets a plate of boiled whale
and a glass of milk
in front of me

I’m angry too
I’ve eaten nothing but marshmallows
for two weeks straight

never been skinnier
never been more amazing  

you’re too thin she tells me
I’m three centimeters taller
than Descartes I say
anyway my weight’s right for my height
I don’t want to be fat

EAT she tells me

I choke down blubber on potatoes 
with ketchup and mustard
drink cold milk
angry as a whale

TEENAGE DIARIES 1998

your boyfriend’s cute mother says
but the two of you aren’t an intellectual match

I write
cute – intelligence = but…  

TEENAGE DIARIES 1998

boyfriend guts fish in the Bacalao factory
from morning to afternoon

meets up with brunette girl in the bathroom 
and god knows what they get up to in there people say

the phone in the kitchen rings
boyfriend denies everything

I find girl in the phonebook
girl lives in Norðasta Horn 

I drive out there
in my blue Ford Fiesta

girl denies everything

I write
dear boyfriend
I’m breaking up with you
but I’m keeping the buffalo shoes 
you gave me
Lív

TEENAGE DIARIES 1999

in my mind I rename him

I write
MILKY
fresh cream
sweet float name

red curls
nearly old enough to vote

I take him home

in my bedroom
his presence is like a foreign country

he goes down
on me

I come

afterwards I’m dead tired

I ask him to leave
so I can sleep

TEENAGE DIARIES 1999

afterwards

misunderstood understood miss miss kiss
we watch City of Angels
with Nicolas Cage and Meg Ryan

earlier

he throws the remote control at me
it skims my bleach-blonde hair
hits the wall not me
the batteries scatter to the floor

TEENAGE DIARIES 2000

I write
blue night shine
more light
more planet
or lines in the mountains’ shadow 

I wish he’d say something besides
the school system isn’t for gifted people 
like us

he lives in his parents’ basement
in the country

he fingers me
gropes
squeezes

I don’t feel a thing

TEENAGE DIARIES 2000

I write
there must be something glossier 

solarium skin
after thirty
won’t be glossy anymore

he sucks my index finger
asks me to sit on his lap

I should go I say

you´re more rational than me he says
and calls me a taxi

TEENAGE DIARIES 2000

he likes it when girls
wear bobby socks 
while he sleeps with them

it looks stupid
keeping my socks on

I always take them off

you´re selfish he says

it´s not the worst thing I’ve been called

From the book “Eg skrivi á vátt pappír” by Lív Maria Róadóttir Jæger