my mother has only a few days left to live

maybe weeks

leaving half a lifetime behind

not enough

out celebrating life only a few months ago

unaware of what was to come

and now

she says

colourless in the hospital bed

bear in mind

I do not fathom

why I spent endless hours

my best years

my thoughts

and spirit

sunsets

and opportunities

snowy days

travels

and family gatherings

dictated by thoughts on my own physique

restrained and tormented

starving myself and self-loathing

one single tear

breakable 

and skinny

her greatest remorse